Grown Up Party (or How I Ended Up In the Men’s Room 10 Times In One Night)

Last Friday I received a text message from my husband that he was picking Alister and me up to go to a party at his new office that he shares with another company.  They had some sort of potluck thing going on that was after hours.  There were going to be kids Alister’s age there and food so it seemed like it wasn’t the WORST way to spend a Friday night.  I was still a bit skeptical though.  Usually office parties where children are welcome are kind of a drag.  There are too many vegetable trays usually and I get bored really fast.  I often end up hanging out with the kids because the adults are so dull that I want to shove a knife in my eye after what feels like an eternity of mindless chit chat.  I start daydreaming of the time I can spend more productively (with a video game or possibly a coloring book).  However I was pleasantly surprised when I walked in and was instantly handed a beer.  (Not a veggie tray).  Alister was given kiddie crack in the form of a juice box so we were both ready to party.

Aaron ended up being a participant in a board game.  I was asked beforehand if I minded staying awhile so he could do this.  Of course I was apprehensive because if I said yes, that meant I was committed and my couch time would be further away.  Finally I said screw it.  My couch is the world’s most uncomfortable couch on the planet anyway so what the hell?

I found myself clinging to a gal I met at a BBQ a few weekends before because she was fun.  When someone comes up to me and starts talking about how they have dreams of going to Burning Man, I’m instantly their friend.  She is also a stay at home mom and a desperate housewife so we had lots of common ground; mostly that our children make it so we want to hide in the bathroom a few times a day.  So we did what any self-respecting wife/moms would do when allowed out of the house…. we took advantage of the unlimited access to all the beer we wanted.  We made sure to ignore our kids properly and used the generous stock of juice boxes as pacifiers.  They seemed to be playing together nicely so it all seemed ok.  I was at a grown-up party for a change and it was AWESOME…..

Then my kid decided to be… well, my kid.  Like any good party beverages, the juice boxes started to catch up with him.  Everything started to happen at once.  Aaron was still playing his game and as a dedicated wife, I didn’t feel right making him take Alister to the bathroom when it was easy for me to.  But then it wasn’t.  It probably would have been fine had the ladies’ room key been accessible right then but it wasn’t handy so I did the next best thing; I took him into the men’s room (which required no key).  The problem with the men’s room is urinal.  Alister is so fascinated by the urinal that we could have hung out there for hours and that would be a fun party to him.  I managed to get him out of there but not for long.  By this time he was asking for juice boxes so that he’d HAVE TO GO TO THE MEN’S ROOM.  I was becoming so familiar with the layout that I was already having ideas of how they should decorate.

As the fluid intake became a problem, so did the sugar.  Who knew that uncut juice would cause such a problem?  I mean, I did but I was busy getting drunk so it didn’t factor into my decision-making that evening.  We were all looking after each other’s children to make sure nobody got hurt but who was looking after their sugar intake?  Certainly not the drunk people.  We had our own consumption issues.  Things became even more interesting when I had my back turned to the fridge and someone said, “hey, whose kid is that with his mouth on the water/ice maker?”

Aww, crap.

I looked behind me and, yes, that was MY kid, hugging the fridge, with his mouth on the dispenser.  Somehow I knew it’d be him.  None of the other children there were nearly as take-charge as Alister when it comes to… um, anything.  If there is ever a child who would have his face stuck to the fridge and run to the urinals all night just for the novelty, it’s my Alister.  Once he discovered the giant row of switches that controlled all the lights in the office, the party was over.  The harsh flourescent office lighting took away from the ambience… fun’s over.

Looking back, that was a good time for Alister to let everyone know it was time to go home.  One of the employees commented that the place was a mess and Aaron replied that it actually looked like our house (wall to wall toys, not beer bottles).  The other children were no longer adorable and were turning into demons.

The next day, Aaron had to go in and drop something off.  He said that things must have gotten pretty crazy once all the kids left because there was an empty bottle of Fireball and some shot glasses on one of the tables.

I’m guessing those people needed to get drunk after hanging out with so many children that night…. I completely understand.


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